New York City news anchor Errol Louis offered some sage wisdom on not contracting Ebola as he was reporting on the case of Ebola confirmed in the city: If you see some strange poop on the subway, don’t eat it. It’s that simple.

“People are wondering about methods of transmission,” he said, and explained that for Ebola to be transmitted it requires “blood, mucous, feces, semen, and you have to come in intimate contact with it while the person is infected.”

“Now, if you come across some strange mucous or feces out there somewhere — on the subway, the street, or anywhere else — don’t eat it. Don’t let it get into your body. Don’t touch it.”

Louis explained that rational people do not need this to be told to them but, since Joni Ernst stands a chance of being elected, it is probably better safe than sorry.

This strategy can save lives, people. These are words to live by. Louis did not say whether or not we should consider ingesting non-infected mucous or fecal matter, but it is probably a safe guess that one should never, ever, ever, ever, ever consider eating those, either.

If we all follow this advice, all but certain fetishists will be able to avoid risking certain death.

Louis’ advice checks out, though he did make a major omission.

According to the Centers for Disease Control:

“Unlike respiratory illnesses like measles or chickenpox, which can be transmitted by virus particles that remain suspended in the air after an infected person coughs or sneezes, Ebola is transmitted by direct contact with body fluids of a person who has symptoms of Ebola disease.

However, the agency stresses:

“Although coughing and sneezing are not common symptoms of Ebola, if a symptomatic patient with Ebola coughs or sneezes on someone, and saliva or mucus come into contact with that person’s eyes, nose or mouth, these fluids may transmit the disease.”

If you know a man who has been infected with the disease, you probably shouldn’t sleep with him for a while, either. The CDC notes that, while someone can no longer spread the virus once they have recovered, it does remain in semen for up yo three months.

There you have it, folks. Don’t eat strange poop, avoid being sneezed on, and, if your friend Jim has had Ebola recently, a handshake can be just as much fun.